20 hours to angiogram

I decided that I needed to write...

Was reading the last lecture that dar was reading. I guess, somewhere inside I also needed to leave a legacy for the kids. Strangely enough, just a couple of days ago, Nigel was asking me about this procedure. He asked me if I was scared or not, and I told him a little. He then asked me why not very scared...

I guess it probably has not hit me yet, or that I chose not to look at extreme side, since there is a 1% risk of the procedure giving me a stroke or heart attack. I look at my kids and dar, and I know that if something does happen, I am just going to be very regretful that their lives will be affected...Nigel was just saying before he slept that Michael Jackson's daughter was quite "poor" -think he meant pitiful, as she does not have a daddy anymore.

In a sense, I am glad that the kids are not really affected...poor dar was, when she first heard about the procedure. But I guess she has also been very consumed with what happened at work to worry, which is a blessing in disguise. But to a sense, I guess she also tried...we spent time alone, the family last weekend. We went to the park to kick a ball, even though I know dar didnt really like it. Although she was worried, we actually shared a plate of fried chicken wings this evening, like she told the kids...let daddy eat his sinful stuff...

This is going to be a long post...my longest I suppose...that is so much that I want to say, to record. I look at Claire, she is doing ok, although showing signs of issue at school. Dar was quite affected that claire was transferred out of the good chinese class. But like I always tells her, sometimes, maybe it is because we have too many kids to be able to give dedicated time...But I really hope Claire will realise..she is still young though...

Nigel- he always surprise us with his thoughts. Recently, dar instituted a stars game to exchange for number of arcade games. Nigel was all so geared up. Looking at the way he pushed himself to do Pri 1 chinese, even though he hated chinese. I really see a lot of talent in him, and drive like dar. He really has a lot of potential to develop.

Chloe - She has really improved so much. She retorts really well. Although she still has issues with coordiantion (she still cant quite play computer games for example), but she has really improve a lot. And of course, she is the prettiest one at home, and a very charming smile to boot. I really hope that she continues to grow well.

And of course little Noah. He is really an interactive toy. This morning, he sang the Thomas song all by himself. really threw us off..he is only 2 years 3 months, and a full song. He is really the fastest of them all. And he has a great temper to boot..all thanks to dar's pampering! but he has really brought us a lot of joy, and like dar says...a mini-me, with his eyes..At least a mirrir image..:)

And of course dar. I know the stress that she is going through. Like she says, this year has really been very eventful....pregnant, miscarried, seminar, work issues, my promotion and now needing to hear about my heart issue. I know she is tired, and questioning. Fortunately, she has friends who care. Although I must say, that it is only since the beginning of this year, that we have communicated, much more than we ever did. We really spoke a lot, shared a lot and provided encouragement to each other. And I still havent brought her to Dan Ryans after all these years...something that I would want to do. Just the other day, she asked me if I had any last words.....I did. I told her I will be back. And I will, in God I trust.